change from mutiple sources

the army changed me, that did not come from an aha moment. it was not a book that i read or some preacher or scripture. that change did not come from within. my dad passing, that changed me again not from with in. i think, as a person who's brain will not stop thinking, that we that are not satisfied with our lives as they are, are looking for a book, a message a new philisophical approach some esoteric beem of light that changes us. i quess it can happen that way, but not for most of us. its just hard work, everyday doing different to be different. we are creatures of habit, we are what we do, so if the creature is to change the doing has to change. and i believe the outside has more impact on the inside than the other way around.

my changes i must make.
clean my house at a routine time, everyday
prepare for the next day.
get up an hour earlier daily

thats enough change for a day.lol

here it is a year later

have i changed in this year, i really don't believe, or its been a little negative. maybe i'll start going to church this year, but i want to change not be changed. hmm.
i have become somewhat unconsience in the past year. i have no routine, i don't even prepare for the next day. what the hell. i must get out of this rut.

four months later

here it is 2010 and change has occured but some good and some bad. back in august i was riding my bike, well it is to cold now, i've joined a gym, the three times a week, i need to get some vitamins. supposed to go and test drive a subaru today, i drive a little festiva, do i want to change to the subaru, will it make me feel and do different. no, emphatically no, the car will not make me different any more than a squirl would change a tree, or the rain would make a maple into an oak. change must come from a internal, nontangeable place. X*y= change, maybe. x being effort and y being time. this is correct. if x is a constant and y is a constantly changing varible then what we have is negative change. becoming fanatical about our role, x, is the only way we get what we want out of this life. so we have something to give.

todays x
go to the gym
put 20 dollars in savings
finish reading my cramer book.

the two areas i want to conquer is finance and my health.