change from mutiple sources

the army changed me, that did not come from an aha moment. it was not a book that i read or some preacher or scripture. that change did not come from within. my dad passing, that changed me again not from with in. i think, as a person who's brain will not stop thinking, that we that are not satisfied with our lives as they are, are looking for a book, a message a new philisophical approach some esoteric beem of light that changes us. i quess it can happen that way, but not for most of us. its just hard work, everyday doing different to be different. we are creatures of habit, we are what we do, so if the creature is to change the doing has to change. and i believe the outside has more impact on the inside than the other way around.

my changes i must make.
clean my house at a routine time, everyday
prepare for the next day.
get up an hour earlier daily

thats enough change for a day.lol

here it is a year later

have i changed in this year, i really don't believe, or its been a little negative. maybe i'll start going to church this year, but i want to change not be changed. hmm.
i have become somewhat unconsience in the past year. i have no routine, i don't even prepare for the next day. what the hell. i must get out of this rut.